How to Communicate with Confidence in Any Situation

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Good communication is at the foundation of any 
relationship. If you want to quickly show value,

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you improve your communication 
skills. Very much so. The first

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10 seconds of a talk. What mistake do 
people make? The most common I think is

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I've been doing this work now for years. Do you 
rehearse to the mirror? I generally say no. Let

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go of trying to be an expert in the content and 
move to just embodying delivery. Even people that

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think that they're great communicators might not 
be so great. You can almost make anything sound

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compelling. Conscious bodily action, and that's 
what builds confidence, not thinking. Anything

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that is [music] spoken is meant to be said. Now 
you're speaking like a marketer. Three Ps. Pose,

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pause, pounce. What's your 3-second hook formula 
for an opening line? Start with the question. When

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someone lies to us, we instinctively [music] know 
they're lying. Yes. When you are afraid, how can

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you still maintain some level of authority? Slow 
down. You're losing [music] them. They're slipping

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away. They're not listening to you. What can you 
quickly do to get them back? Oh, I love that.

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That's power. With 24 hours to prepare. Yeah, they 
said you're doing this tomorrow. What do you do?

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Don't write a script. Where [music] does real 
confidence come from? Being comfortable saying

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what you really want to say. Your closing [music] 
is the second biggest risk area after your own

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Matthew Mat. What do you prefer for me to call 
you? I have no preference really. Most people

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call me Matt, but some people call me Matthew. 
It's normally if you're in trouble with a parent.

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That's it. Yeah. [laughter] Tide your 
room. But no, we're adults now. Okay,

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Matt. Matt, it's lovely to have you here. 
Likewise. I've done quite a few of these where

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I get public speakers on communications experts 
because I feel that it is one communication

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is one of the most important skills 
in business. That is just a fact.

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Would you agree? Yeah, 100%. And I go further and 
say without good communication skills, it's not

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just business, but also personal life, the whole 
lot. Good communication is at the foundation of

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any relationship, professional or personal, I'd 
say 100%. And Warren Buffett agrees. Yes, he does.

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Yeah. You should invest in yourself and learn how 
to communicate. So that's what this pod is about.

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We're going to learn. We're going to improve 
our communication skills here and we're going

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to learn from the expert because you are very well 
trained in the field and you've worked with lots

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and lots of different types of people. So can you 
just tell the audience for those who don't know

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who have you worked with and how have you helped 
them? Yeah, so I've been doing this work now for

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oh gosh I'm showing my age a little bit 10 to 15 
years I would say. Experience. Yeah I think so

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experience all sorts and I work with people from 
you know individuals who come to me that are

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I guess crippled with anxiety and don't know where 
to start right the way through to the corporates.

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So the world health organization BBC O2 big teams 
the lot. Um so some of them individual onetoone

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some of them teams and groups. Okay. Yeah. 
So the the experience is there for sure. So

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a lot of these questions are for well some of 
these are for stage you know when you on a stage

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and you have to do a presentation or you have to 
stand up in front of everyone you know and and say

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something. But also we have questions in here that 
are just for pure communications or communicating

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in a small team or even communicating online in a 
Zoom call or Google meet or whatever it might be.

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But let's start with a the first thing one opens 
their mouth the first 10 seconds of a talk.

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What what do you what mistake do people 
make? [laughter] The first I think the

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I mean probably many but the most common Yeah. 
The most common I think is not having the audience

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with you from the get-go. So starting before 
they are with you. So you have some people

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whenever you have someone starting a talk 
whether they're coming from someone before or

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or people have come from their breakfast 
from their lunch or whatever it is

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there's a transition time that takes place. If you 
don't deal with that transition time some people

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will be with you some still won't. Okay. So so 
give give us an example. So is this like if um

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let's just say you've just joined a Zoom call. 
Yeah. And and is this the small talk bit to bring

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people? It could be. So there's different ways 
of doing it. So if it's so if we're talking Zoom

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as the first one, it would be like right get your 
cameras on, ask everyone a question and get them

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to forcefully interact with you. So put something 
in the chat, give me a thumbs up, whatever it is,

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so you know everybody's present. Um, if you're in 
a room, how do you make sure everybody moves from

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drinking their coffee or checking their phone 
or reading the program to engaging with you? Um,

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and it could be how you use your voice and project 
it. Um, or you know, my favorite is an engagement.

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It's like, right, everybody in the room, I 
just want your attention right now. Okay. Oh,

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everyone's head comes up. They're contracted 
into you. Then you can go. If you start soft,

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you kind of have to slowly get people 
on board with you, whereas you want them

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there from the get-go. That's a really good tip. 
Yeah. So, you're almost like you're engineering.

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You're preparing. You're preparing, but you 
don't dive in. You're just preparing first,

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then you dive in. Yeah. You need you need them 
with you. I often say it's a bit like a DJ,

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you know? It's like you need to get their 
attention from the get- go. And once they're with

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you and they're bought in, then they'll follow 
you. But what you don't want to be doing is kind

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of like picking people up as you go because that's 
just going to build your anxiety because you're

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going to notice some people aren't with you, some 
with you. Um, yeah. So, as quickly as possible,

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uh, engage them in whatever way feels good. 
Did you like what I did then with you? Cuz I,

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you know, you came in, I was like, "Oh, would 
you do you need to go to the bathroom? Do you

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need to do this?" You said, "Would you like 
some water?" And then I was like, "Right,

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now that we're sitting down, right, here's your 
mic. This is the distance. There's the cameras.

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That one's on me, that one's on you, that I was 
that was that kind of a It was good. It was warm.

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Yeah. You you arrived, the first thing you do was 
said hello and you gave me a hug." Um, and then

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asked me how I was. A nice little ice breaker. 
That was an [laughter] icebreaker. Definitely.

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Although I never know with a hugs. It's um I like 
a hug. Yeah, I'm I'm a hugger. I'm a hugger. I

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like I can't help it. I'm I'm hugging clients 
all the time. It's [laughter] It's a good warm

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Yeah, because you're I mean I I get excited 
to see people, you know, and I can't help it.

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It's one of those things. Okay, so um let's say 
you're about to do that talk. Yep. You're starting

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to get scared. Yeah. What do you do? So, are we 
talking beforehand or during? Before it's like

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a little bit before you you're doing the warm 
up, but you're like, "Oh, no. Oh gosh." Yeah. So,

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I think do I have to do this? Yeah. Do I have to 
do this? I'm about to speak. Often it's Yes. So,

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what's going on there is like your nervous system 
is trying to protect you. And there's let's let's

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categorize the brain into two parts. You got your 
amydala, which is what they call the reptile part

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of your brain, which is must protect you. And this 
is where your fight or flight freeze comes in.

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Then you've got your logical brain. Now that your 
amygdala works faster than your logical brain.

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Okay? So it is telling you I'm under threat even 
though your logical brain is going I'm talking to

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10 people. Why are you feeling like this? So the 
first thing is to go it's okay. Your body's just

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doing what it does. Okay. And a big part of this 
work is accepting that our nervous system is going

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to do something rather than trying to eradicate 
the function of our nervous system. So once you

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become at peace with it, you can manage it and 
process your nerves. So that's the first thing.

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The second thing is slow down. Okay. When our 
nervous system takes over, everything speeds up.

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We talk faster, we move faster, we think faster 
because we're in that kind of like uh I must

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rescue myself mode. Yeah, definitely. So 
slow right down beforehand. And even if that

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just means closing your eyes for five minutes and 
breathing slowly to regulate that nervous system,

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do it. So slow down as well. Okay. What about 
Okay. But but you're scared because you don't want

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to mess up. You don't want to say silly things. 
You don't want to be asked questions that are

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ones you can't answer and that might trip you up 
and and all that sort of thing. So the the fears

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can can actually be valid as well. Um and and I 
suppose you you You get nervous because you care.

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So, so it's all quite normal, isn't it? Yeah, 
very much so. I often say that your nervous

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system is telling you that you care about what's 
going on, you know. So, use that as a cue rather

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than a problem to do a good job. Yeah. Because 
you want to do a good job and that is a good

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thing and that in itself should should Yeah. is is 
top top class. Okay. Um, how do you stop rambling?

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Get comfortable with silence. Silence 
is power in public [laughter] speaking.

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Silence is power. Right. Okay. And then a purely 
practical tip that anyone can try that comes from

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the world of improvisation. It's called play a 
game called time machine. So I would give you a

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piece of content. I might say talk about this is 
something you could do on your own, right? As as

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a way to train yourself on this. M I'd say talk 
about who you are and what you do um for 1 minute

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and you would monologue for 1 minute and then I 
would say to you right now do it in 30 seconds

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you will double your speed okay and then I'll 
say now do it in 20 seconds and at that point

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what will probably happen is you'll start cutting 
out content and then I'll say do it in 15 seconds

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then do it in 10 seconds then in five and then 
I'll say do it in two seconds and you really get

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down to the nub of the content. So, if you have 
a history of waffling, that's a great exercise to

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train your brain to get used to cutting through 
rather than speaking up uh speeding up or adding

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more. I have terrific guests on here, but some 
some of them do go into a lot of detail. M and

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then I find myself interrupting because [clears 
throat] [cough] oh yeah [laughter] amazing just

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but you have some they've got these big minds and 
they want to carry on and on but they're not aware

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of the fact that you can only speak 
for a certain amount and then you

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Yeah. Right. Yeah. And it's 
understanding the context of

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where you're speaking and who to and what about, 
you know, and I call this like the scaffolding.

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And it's like, okay, how what's the point I need 
to get across? Is this a long form conversation

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or is it not? What's the purpose of this 
content afterwards? Um, and that can then inform

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how you speak because we could all talk about what 
we love for hours and talk for oursel for hours.

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But it may be that we have 45 minutes on a podcast 
and x number of questions. It's like right we

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don't want a fiveminute answer for each one. 
Yes. So thinking about the scaffolding around it.

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Yes. Although sometimes it's it's good because 
you have to have so it's it's it is measuring

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the moment and seeing how much you should be 
giving to that moment but at the same time there's

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a level of training and it is training. It really 
really is training. It's what you were talking

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about that it's a masterclass and it's genius 
what you do really. That's that's clever because

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taking your your message down from 5 
minutes, 3 minutes, 2 minutes, 1 minute,

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30 seconds, 15 seconds, whatever, all the way down 
to two two seconds. You have to really understand

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how to do that. And that is training. It's 
communications training. And that's what

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people don't really value that. Oh, that's just 
fluffy stuff. I just have to worry about maths or

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I have to worry about whatever it might be my act 
my job but it's how you do your job and how you

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communicate doing your job. Yeah, that's that's 
that's actually a really really clever thing.

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But a lot of the people that come on don't 
have that training and they really not aware

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of of that at all. there's not really that concept 
and it's it's just a skill that's um very uh

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neglected but it's an area for if you want to 
quickly show value you improve your communication

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skills. Yeah, you need training very much so. 
And you you've hit the nail on the head about the

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training piece. It's I I call it sematicizing your 
content. So, it's like you can think about your

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content in your head for as long as you want, 
but until you actually express it through your

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mouth and your body, you're not going to move 
along the confidence level or the skill level. And

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this is the trap people fall into is they'll spend 
three weeks working on a PowerPoint presentation

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and then do a quick run through the night before 
to sematicize it and it will feel weird because

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they haven't brought all three online together 
at the same time. And that's the training piece

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exactly is just getting into your body with it 
and exploring it, being playful with it as well.

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When I was little, I was privileged enough to do 
Toast Masters. Oh, wow. Amazing. Okay, great. Yes.

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Yes. And in Toast Masters, they do something 
similar to what you've said here. Probably not as

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deep and not as as thorough, but they did say to 
us, for example, you know, get up, um, talk about

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nails nails for three minutes. and you've got a 
room full of people and they're all looking at you

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and you've got to make it interesting. But what 
they had as well which was cool was they had a

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traffic light system. So green light you're still 
talking within your time frame and then it went

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to orange where you're running out of time and 
then like two and a half minutes or something.

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Yeah. And they had all of that and so the but but 
it trained you to talk about pretty much anything

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to have a to structure it to have a beginning 
a middle and an end. Yeah. So people have this

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a hole that's presented, but at the same time 
trying to make them want to listen to you. And

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also you it's a it's a topic you want to ramble 
on because what on earth are [clears throat] you

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going to talk about with nails, but actually 
so many different types of nails, right? Nails,

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nails, you know, and you can just think and 
yeah, it teaches you, you know, impromptu and

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you have prepared speech, you have 
unprepared speech, prepared reading,

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you know, unprepared reading, poetry, all of these 
things. But these are skills and you learn them.

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Yeah. And you practice them. And even people 
that think that they're great communicators

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might not be so great. Yeah. Yeah. It reminds me 
there's another training aid I use from time to

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time called, you might have come across it called 
PowerPoint Karaoke. I haven't actually. Okay. So

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you know the website slideshare.net. Okay. So 
basically it's got thousands if not millions of

0:14:15.360,0:14:19.800
PowerPoints people have uploaded. Okay. And uh you 
know you can do this as a personal training aid

0:14:19.800,0:14:25.800
or you can do it in your team you know as a as an 
activity but you essentially chuck a random search

0:14:25.800,0:14:30.720
into slides share whatever PowerPoint comes 
up open it and then you have to present it.

0:14:30.720,0:14:35.320
So it could be any industry, you know. So I, 
for example, I [laughter] could perhaps get,

0:14:35.320,0:14:40.400
let's say, um, the history of cameras and then 
I have to convincingly present it, even though I

0:14:40.400,0:14:46.880
don't know what's on each slide, what the content 
is. And it's a real like the shift comes when you

0:14:46.880,0:14:52.200
let go of trying to be an expert in the 
content and move to just embodying delivery.

0:14:52.880,0:14:57.240
And then once you kind of get into that, you 
can almost make anything sound compelling,

0:14:57.960,0:15:04.240
you know, as long as you really do it. Embody, 
let go of the content and embody the delivery.

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That's it. Yeah. So, getting out of 
the head and into the body. [sighs]

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I love that. I love that. Okay. It's great 
fun as well. Yeah. Yeah. So, how much um

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because you you all know the podcast um we discuss 
the sort of content that we'd cover and I didn't

0:15:22.640,0:15:27.240
want you to prepare under any circumstances. 
Yeah, you made that very clear. I made it very

0:15:27.240,0:15:30.800
clear [laughter] cuz I'm doing I'm doing the 
little tricks they do in TV production. I've

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been on a few TV productions now of an apprentice 
and placing the sun home and away and they always

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want that spontaneous reaction. So, you know, 
sometimes they might have to do retakes, but

0:15:39.640,0:15:44.560
they really want to have your facial expressions 
and everything cuz that's the juice that delivers

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to the to the audience. So, but but how much 
then realistically you're going into a meeting

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or you're going onto, you know, onto a stage, 
you're going to present to all these people,

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you've got to convince them. How much 
preparation do you do, rehearsal do you do?

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Like where where do you draw the line for that 
sort of thing? So there's a scale and I always

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say so there's a process I take people through for 
how to prepare and how to rehearse and it's it's

0:16:11.800,0:16:16.840
called from card to clarity. So I say you don't 
do it on a computer you do it on index cards

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but there's two variables in the process 
and number one is how much rehearsal you do

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and then number two is how much feedback you get 
from other people before you go into that meeting

0:16:26.720,0:16:32.680
or that presentation. And to answer your question 
which is how much preparation should they do?

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Uh it's driven by two things. Uh both of them 
are risk factors. So number one how much external

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risk is there on this? For example PR uh financial 
etc etc. So who are the people you're speaking to

0:16:44.920,0:16:49.920
and how big a gig of this and then number 
two is internal risk. So what's your nervous

0:16:49.920,0:16:56.000
system telling you? M and if your nervous 
system is high, your adrenaline is running

0:16:57.120,0:17:03.080
or the external risk is high or both are high, 
then that's an indicator of where you should

0:17:03.080,0:17:08.240
be on your scale of how prepared you are. Does 
that make sense? So pretty prepared. If you're

0:17:08.240,0:17:12.720
if [laughter] it's a big ticket gig, you need 
to prepare and it needs to be conscious action,

0:17:12.720,0:17:18.200
not just thought. Conscious bodily action and 
that's what builds confidence, not thinking.

0:17:19.600,0:17:24.160
So preparing the content as much as you can so you 
understand it. You're not saying things that are

0:17:24.160,0:17:28.880
legally incorrect or financially incorrect, 
all that sort of thing. Get your get your

0:17:29.440,0:17:36.560
information right, but then also work on 
yourself to to be prepared. Yeah. So, so for me,

0:17:37.640,0:17:41.400
okay, so there's a couple of things there. So, 
with the the kind of legal financial thing,

0:17:41.400,0:17:46.480
so we're kind of moving into the area of scripting 
content here. And I actually generally speaking,

0:17:46.480,0:17:51.200
as a rule of thumb, think scripts are bad things 
because anything that is written is meant to be

0:17:51.200,0:17:56.040
read and anything that is spoken is meant to be 
said. And when you're communicating normally,

0:17:56.600,0:17:59.560
you're in a space of speaking and you want 
to be like that when you're presenting.

0:18:00.320,0:18:06.640
Unless we're in areas such as law, academia, uh 
then you may need to move. What about politics?

0:18:07.520,0:18:11.080
Yeah, this is more of a script area, but 
there are still spaces where actually it

0:18:11.080,0:18:16.920
can be too scripted. Depends what you're doing. If 
you're rolling out laws and bits and pieces, you

0:18:16.920,0:18:21.680
know, and citing research, like you've got to get 
that right, especially with, you know, media hawks

0:18:21.680,0:18:26.640
all over you. I'm not going to mention politicians 
names cuz it you [laughter] get into trouble.

0:18:27.160,0:18:31.600
But there are they have these little arguments 
each other about who uses a teleprompter and

0:18:31.600,0:18:36.240
who doesn't and when it's I can do it without 
teleprompter, you can't. And it's like, yeah.

0:18:37.520,0:18:41.960
So the thing I like about teleprompterss 
and the way I think they should be used

0:18:41.960,0:18:49.520
uh actually comes in the second half of that 
word prompt prompt you know it's like telly

0:18:49.520,0:18:52.800
you're going to look at something prompt 
you should be able to just glance at it

0:18:52.800,0:18:57.680
and move and I say generally speaking yeah that 
that's how you should operate is with any notes

0:18:57.680,0:19:02.920
that you have whether they're on the note side 
of your um presentation view in PowerPoint or

0:19:02.920,0:19:08.760
you have them in physical form they should be 
glanceable not readable glancible and the way

0:19:08.760,0:19:16.920
for them to become glancible is for you to have 
learned them. Yeah. So I suggest so rather than

0:19:17.600,0:19:22.400
creating a script and then script and then 
trying to distill it, I say to people flip that

0:19:22.400,0:19:26.480
and start with a helicopter view. What are 
the key content heartbeats you want to present

0:19:26.480,0:19:31.240
and then explore them through your speech and boil 
them down to key prompts so that you could stand

0:19:31.240,0:19:35.640
up, take a glance at that and then riff at it for 
a minute. But you need to have done that enough

0:19:35.640,0:19:40.200
in advance and know your content well enough that 
you're not going to cycle off for seven minutes,

0:19:40.200,0:19:45.520
you know. So, this is where the control piece 
comes in, the brevity piece comes in. Um, and the

0:19:46.880,0:19:52.240
silence piece in where you can slow down and 
ground. Does that make sense? Yeah, it does. Makes

0:19:52.240,0:19:56.880
total sense. Total sense. And you can have those 
on a teleprompter. You can have them on a tablet.

0:19:56.880,0:20:00.400
You can have them as a little, like you say, 
little card. I like cards because they don't

0:20:00.400,0:20:04.440
make noise when you because if you're nervous 
and the paper's going. Yeah, paper's no good.

0:20:04.440,0:20:11.440
No, it doesn't work. Smart cards, rule of threes, 
no more than three prompts per card cuz once you

0:20:11.440,0:20:15.560
move to four, your brain processes it differently 
and you're kind of searching for something.

0:20:15.560,0:20:20.680
Whereas three, you can glance and go back. 
Yeah. Yeah. Now you're speaking like a marketer.

0:20:22.280,0:20:27.520
Spent years working in digital agencies 
and the likes because my early career, so

0:20:27.520,0:20:33.240
maybe there's something there. Yeah, because you 
want threes memorable. It's digestible. It Yeah.

0:20:33.960,0:20:37.720
And the same goes for everyone creating all 
these busy PowerPoint slides. Rule of threes.

0:20:38.360,0:20:45.080
Don't overwhelm death by PowerPoint. PowerPoint's 
nice for images, graphs to visually explain

0:20:45.080,0:20:51.440
things or to really highlight something. But yes, 
reading reading the PowerPoints is is a tragedy.

0:20:52.480,0:20:58.400
Never do it. Yeah. Never do it. Never ever 
ever read your PowerPoint. And also sometimes

0:20:58.400,0:21:03.360
I find one of the classic mistakes people 
make is when they go through a PowerPoint,

0:21:04.120,0:21:08.880
they just go through it. Yeah. And they don't 
check in with their audience as you would or when

0:21:08.880,0:21:12.720
you're on a stage, you would feel whether they're 
listening to you. You would see whether they

0:21:13.400,0:21:18.720
But but also when you're on that screen, 
you're all on screens, you should be looking at

0:21:18.720,0:21:25.000
who's actually [sighs and gasps] or you 
know, check. Is that like you're saying,

0:21:25.000,0:21:29.880
is that is that clear? Are you with me? Right. 
Like, so there's a rule that I like, okay,

0:21:29.880,0:21:35.320
for online meetings, which is a tactic, one of 
many you can use, which I call the three Ps,

0:21:35.320,0:21:39.640
okay? Which is pose, pause, pounce. Okay, explain. 
And it sounds a lot more aggressive than what it

0:21:39.640,0:21:45.720
is, but it's not. The idea is that you pose a 
question to everybody in the Zoom room and you

0:21:45.720,0:21:50.800
tell them that in a moment after a pause, you're 
going to request someone to speak or feedback.

0:21:51.480,0:21:55.200
So, you're posing the question, you're pausing, 
and then you're kind of pouncing on someone to

0:21:55.200,0:21:59.200
then give it. So pounce makes it sound really 
aggressive and you're putting people on the spot.

0:21:59.200,0:22:04.240
It works nice as a literation of three Ps, but 
the principle is there's a question you're giving

0:22:04.240,0:22:08.240
them and you're going to be seeking feedback 
from everybody and you put a pause in between.

0:22:08.800,0:22:13.840
Okay. Um and then that's the how to catch 
the yawns, you know. Um it's like okay,

0:22:14.400,0:22:19.120
throw in an engagement tactic immediately as soon 
as you see people switching off. Um, and it's

0:22:19.120,0:22:24.240
really simple as I think for online pieces, 
there should be an interaction of some sort

0:22:25.320,0:22:31.320
every 3 to five minutes. Even if that's a micro 
check-in, put it in the chat. Is everyone with

0:22:31.320,0:22:35.440
me? Give me a thumbs up or a thumbs down so I 
can understand where you're at. I've noticed

0:22:35.440,0:22:40.880
four cameras are off. Are you still with me? Uh, 
and just constant check-ins all the way through

0:22:40.880,0:22:47.120
so that people recontract with you. Yeah, love it. 
Love it. you know, uh, what I do as part of my,

0:22:47.640,0:22:55.400
um, research slash development to try to 
be a better podcast host and and and always

0:22:55.400,0:23:00.200
like just improve what I'm doing. I watch other 
podcast hosts. I watch other presenters. I watch,

0:23:00.200,0:23:04.640
you know, news agents, Emily Mas, I see how she 
does it and uses silence and pauses. For example,

0:23:04.640,0:23:09.240
her interview with Prince Andrew is very 
good the way that she paused a lot and was,

0:23:09.760,0:23:14.880
you know, left that space for for the question 
to be answered. something that for example Pierce

0:23:14.880,0:23:19.040
Morgan does very well is that he will watch I 
mean are they all different you know we're not

0:23:19.040,0:23:24.760
saying who we who we like and don't like here but 
this is more a communication style so what he does

0:23:24.760,0:23:30.960
quite a lot and I I find it very effective 
is that when he has panelists and they all

0:23:30.960,0:23:38.360
having opinions whatever he watches them very 
carefully so if he sees an eye roll or a his is

0:23:38.360,0:23:43.440
quite it's called uncensored so it's very you know 
high energy and it's all about controversy But he

0:23:43.440,0:23:50.600
he watches so carefully like a hawk for what the 
panelists are doing outside of the one speaking.

0:23:50.600,0:23:55.280
Yeah. And then says, "Oh, I noticed you getting 
really frustrated and shifting about in your chair

0:23:55.280,0:24:00.880
or rolling your eyes." And then he said, "Why 
did you what what are you feeling right now?"

0:24:00.880,0:24:07.640
And then it comes out. It's very clever. Yeah. 
Picking up the bodily and energetic cues as well,

0:24:07.640,0:24:12.160
which is really big in the world of counseling and 
psychotherapy as well. You don't just listen to

0:24:12.160,0:24:16.520
the words. You look at the what their legs doing, 
what their face doing, what their hands doing,

0:24:16.520,0:24:22.480
what's the [sighs] sound of their voice 
doing. And these little subtle cues are all

0:24:24.760,0:24:28.840
expressions of our subconscious if 
you like. So it may be an expression

0:24:28.840,0:24:36.360
of um disengagement or um anxiety or or like a 
wanting to contribute or whatever it may be in

0:24:36.360,0:24:40.160
some shape or form or feeling uncomfortable. 
you know, someone sort of you've made a point

0:24:40.160,0:24:43.560
and they're like, well, right, you know, or they 
[laughter] put their hand over their, you know,

0:24:43.560,0:24:47.400
there's little things that you can look for, but 
you should be reading the room, even the online

0:24:47.400,0:24:51.200
room really carefully when you're presenting. 
It's quite difficult because you have to deliver

0:24:51.200,0:24:55.360
all this stuff. You it's got to be accurate. 
It's got to be engaging. You're performing in

0:24:55.360,0:24:59.360
a way because you want them to listen, but 
at the same time, you need to be watching

0:24:59.360,0:25:06.720
for information to know that Yeah. It's it's 
that's why it's it requires training. Yeah. time

0:25:06.720,0:25:13.880
to get better at at researching. Yeah, definitely. 
I delivered a workshop on where are we? We were on

0:25:13.880,0:25:18.200
Friday nights on Tuesday for a digital agency 
all about online training and presentations.

0:25:18.920,0:25:24.560
And the very first thing is like at the beginning 
of a meeting, ask people to put their cameras on

0:25:25.320,0:25:29.200
and leave permission for people that may not 
need be want to because they've been unwell or

0:25:29.200,0:25:34.120
uncomfortable. But it's okay to ask. Most people 
have kind of moved into this default thing where

0:25:34.120,0:25:38.920
we just jump on and we don't really 
know who's present and it's like okay no

0:25:38.920,0:25:42.240
everyone came's on just to let me know you're 
here if you're able to and comfortable to

0:25:42.240,0:25:44.880
and it's amazing how everybody just flicks 
up on and goes hi sorry I've just eaten a

0:25:44.880,0:25:49.440
biscuit or whatever it may be and then 
they're present rather than away. Um

0:25:51.440,0:25:54.360
the eyes and the mouth are the 
most expressive parts of the body,

0:25:55.320,0:25:59.280
you know. So, if you want to read your room, you 
need to be able to see that. And remember, they're

0:25:59.280,0:26:06.840
going to be looking at yours, you know. Oh, 
terrifying. [laughter] Terrifying and beautiful.

0:26:07.840,0:26:14.120
It is. It is. There is an art to to comms. And 
it's good. It is is actually good to to take

0:26:14.120,0:26:19.160
time to when you're watching a podcast the next 
time or you're watching the news to look at the

0:26:19.160,0:26:23.520
communication style of the person presenting. And 
they may be making mistakes. You may think, "Oh,

0:26:24.280,0:26:28.880
you said that too fast." you could have used 
that moment more or wow this person's really

0:26:28.880,0:26:35.240
engaging why what are they doing you you 
can learn learn from these people definitely

0:26:35.240,0:26:41.560
I think it's important to draw inspiration 
from people that you identify with as speakers

0:26:41.560,0:26:46.280
and that can be anybody we do this a lot in the 
the programs that we do is that we identify people

0:26:46.280,0:26:50.800
important to the client that they respect from 
a speaking point of view and it's like okay well

0:26:50.800,0:26:55.760
what is it you love about that style you know what 
can you draw from it inspir ationally and then

0:26:56.480,0:27:00.400
kind of embed into your toolkit if that makes 
sense. So it's not about imitation, very

0:27:00.400,0:27:05.240
different, but it's about what feels familiar, 
what feels authentic, what feels homely to you,

0:27:05.240,0:27:10.360
and then how does that look in your world? 
Um, and whether that's a news presenter or,

0:27:11.080,0:27:15.280
you know, a family member or church leader 
or whatever it may be. Um, there's all things

0:27:15.280,0:27:22.160
that we've taken on from people that we've been 
inspired by as we grow and stuff. Yes. For sure.

0:27:22.160,0:27:30.240
For sure. So, what's your 3C hook formula for 
an opening line? Uh, start with a question.

0:27:31.200,0:27:35.640
Oh, start with a question. Get the audience 
doing something immediately. Awesome. So,

0:27:35.640,0:27:39.800
if I've got a room of a couple of hundred 
people, uh, I will come on bold, strong,

0:27:39.800,0:27:43.760
and immediately get them discussing something 
in a pair. It's like, right, okay, this is what

0:27:43.760,0:27:48.600
we're going to come. I'm going to pose a piece of 
information. I'm going to give you all one minute

0:27:48.600,0:27:52.560
to turn to your partner and discuss what this 
means to you. Instantly, everybody's phones are

0:27:52.560,0:27:57.120
dropped, uh, put down, their notebooks down, 
they're engaging with each other, and bang,

0:27:57.120,0:28:00.160
they're engaging with you, and then you get two 
or three answers from the audience that then

0:28:00.160,0:28:04.040
seed into the next part of your message. That is 
powerful. Breaks the ice for everyone in the room.

0:28:04.040,0:28:08.800
Breaks the ice for you as the presenter that's 
at the apex point, the first minute, you know,

0:28:08.800,0:28:14.880
your nervous system, the content, and you're all 
in it together. Oh, I love that. That's powerful.

0:28:15.560,0:28:20.840
That that that's good. Okay. Oh, I love 
that one. Cool. All right. [snorts] Now,

0:28:21.640,0:28:27.960
your body, your voice, your content, what's 
the most important out of that when you're

0:28:27.960,0:28:36.800
doing the performance, the presentation, and 
what's dangerously ignored? So, if we imagine

0:28:37.800,0:28:44.640
your content, your voice, and your body as let's 
say like a pyramid, three pillars. Okay. Okay.

0:28:44.640,0:28:49.800
And if we lived in a world that was full of 
butterflies and harmony and balance and everything

0:28:49.800,0:28:54.800
was beautiful and in harmony, we'd be right in the 
middle and have a gentle attention on all three

0:28:54.800,0:28:59.040
when we're presenting. Okay? But what actually 
happens is we get pulled from pillar to post.

0:28:59.600,0:29:04.480
And that shows up in three ways. Sometimes we 
focus too much on our content, okay? And then

0:29:04.480,0:29:09.440
we lose sight of how we look and how we sound. 
So that can show up as I must get every single

0:29:09.440,0:29:13.520
word out of my head, out of my mouth, the way 
it is in my head, otherwise I've got it wrong.

0:29:14.120,0:29:19.120
You know, per script mentality, far too 
much information. You lose sight of hold on,

0:29:19.680,0:29:23.880
you know, what's needed, you know, what's 
the way to do it or how should I sound? Um,

0:29:23.880,0:29:28.240
if you go too far into performance mode, you know, 
you lose sight of your content, of course, and it

0:29:28.240,0:29:34.000
becomes all about performance and ego and this 
that and the other. Um, and then how you sound.

0:29:34.000,0:29:38.040
I mean, I would bring they're quite close bed 
fellows, you know, how you look and how you sound

0:29:38.040,0:29:44.280
because it's your smattersized experience, if that 
makes sense. Um, the goal really is that the rule

0:29:44.280,0:29:49.280
of thumb I always say when we go through this 
pillar in my program is that your body language

0:29:49.800,0:29:56.800
and your tone of voice should either back up or 
imitate one of two things. Either your content

0:29:56.800,0:30:01.480
or the emotion that you want to convey. Does 
that make sense? Oh, yeah. Okay. Okay. Okay. So,

0:30:01.480,0:30:08.560
if I'm talking about facing a wall of challenges 
like this, then I want my voice to kind of express

0:30:08.560,0:30:12.120
that I've got challenges and my body language 
to show it. Why would it go a, you know,

0:30:13.280,0:30:18.440
kind of facing this wall of challenges at the 
moment? It's really, it's really hard. You know,

0:30:18.440,0:30:23.000
it's out of sync. It's out of congruence. Yeah. 
[snorts] So, that's a rule of thumb because most

0:30:23.000,0:30:26.480
people start when you start saying we need to look 
at how we're working with your body, they're like,

0:30:27.160,0:30:32.080
"Oh, well, how do I use my arms? What do I do? 
Am I justiculating too much? up. It's like, okay,

0:30:32.760,0:30:36.240
look at how you operate when 
you're completely in tune

0:30:36.840,0:30:40.040
with someone you're really comfortable 
with and you are in your element.

0:30:40.640,0:30:44.520
And it's like your body just naturally embodies 
what you're saying. So, it's like, right,

0:30:44.520,0:30:49.480
let's get clear on what that looks like and 
then port that into these professional spaces.

0:30:51.040,0:30:55.960
That's why we feel uncomfortable when someone 
lies to us. We instinctively know they're lying.

0:30:56.560,0:31:03.160
Yes. And the I suppose the clearest model, 
so if we're talking about what you say,

0:31:03.160,0:31:07.480
how you look, and how you sound needing 
to come together to land an emotion,

0:31:08.160,0:31:12.640
the clearest model where this works or 
doesn't is with an apology. So it's like,

0:31:12.640,0:31:16.800
oh, I hear it in your words, but I can see in your 
body language you don't mean it. Or, you know,

0:31:16.800,0:31:19.920
you'll show up, but you're not prepared to 
say it. But when all three come together,

0:31:21.520,0:31:26.120
you feel it. And it's the same it's that same 
principle when you're presenting. It's like,

0:31:26.120,0:31:29.880
okay, how do I want this audience to feel? This 
is a question you should ask at the beginning

0:31:29.880,0:31:34.960
of any preparation process. I want them to 
feel motivated, excited, curious, angry,

0:31:34.960,0:31:39.760
frustrated. What is it you want to generate? And 
then you've got to express that in what you say,

0:31:39.760,0:31:44.440
how you look, and how you sound. And if all 
three come together, it's authentic. Even if the

0:31:44.440,0:31:49.840
audience disagree with you, which is fine. I'd far 
rather have someone disagree with me, but go but

0:31:49.840,0:31:57.120
he believes what he says than it to be out of out 
of joint, out of sync. That does make sense. Yeah.

0:31:59.560,0:32:04.480
So when you are afraid and there's nothing 
really that you can do and your body language

0:32:04.480,0:32:09.280
is is showing that, how can you still maintain 
some level of authority um and still take

0:32:09.280,0:32:13.960
people with you even though you're afraid and 
it's you're finding it hard to control that.

0:32:14.480,0:32:18.640
Yeah. So there's different levels 
of anxiety for different people and

0:32:20.560,0:32:24.360
I think best way to answer this question because 
there's lots of ways in which you can manage it.

0:32:24.360,0:32:30.280
So I think the first is slow down. It's nearly 
always the same. When people are afraid, it shows

0:32:30.280,0:32:37.360
up as speeding up. Either speeding up or freezing. 
Okay? Both of which can be dealt with by becoming

0:32:37.360,0:32:42.720
comfortable with silence. Okay? So if you can 
be if you can sit in the middle of a mind blank,

0:32:43.360,0:32:47.800
which is a symptom of your fear. Okay? So 
that's part of the kind of freeze response.

0:32:48.320,0:32:52.880
If you can sit with it, then you can reframe 
that mind blank to a positive sign that you've

0:32:52.880,0:32:56.960
said all you need to say in that moment. Look 
at your notes, move on to the next piece.

0:32:58.080,0:33:02.720
Likewise, if you're going too fast, I've 
gone off to a tangent. I don't [sighs]

0:33:04.680,0:33:09.320
come back, move on. So, it is about 
getting comfortable with silence, I'd say,

0:33:09.320,0:33:15.680
in both those things because it will pass. 
It will pass. What if you're losing the room

0:33:15.680,0:33:19.000
and they're not paying attention anymore and 
they're shuffling about or the audience is

0:33:19.000,0:33:22.440
yawning and they're starting to talk to each 
other. You you're losing them. They're slipping

0:33:22.440,0:33:26.320
away. They're not listening to you. You don't have 
that authority. What can you quickly do to get

0:33:26.320,0:33:31.240
them back? Okay. So, if I'm presenting to a room 
and I'm losing the room and they're shuffling,

0:33:31.240,0:33:35.000
getting on their phones, it's like, "Right, 
everybody, I need everyone's attention right now.

0:33:36.040,0:33:42.440
Cut through." Oh, what's going on here? Okay, 
I want you all to stand up if so just lean into

0:33:42.440,0:33:45.800
whatever topic you're talking about. So if you're 
talking about public speaking, I want you to all

0:33:45.800,0:33:50.640
stand up if you have some sort of fear around 
public speaking. Oh gosh, okay, he's got me now.

0:33:50.640,0:33:56.200
You know, it's that engagement piece. You need 
to find a way to get their attention back on you

0:33:56.200,0:34:04.000
and connect with you again. H okay. Much more 
difficult to to do on social media, but possible

0:34:04.000,0:34:11.680
a little on social media. Um this is where the 
power of are you talking broadcast purely or

0:34:11.680,0:34:19.000
just when I say social media I'm talking about 
the jungle of um I see the two worlds. It's

0:34:19.000,0:34:22.040
um a private investigator actually 
said remember we have two worlds.

0:34:22.040,0:34:24.760
It's funny that you get training from the private 
investigators and but you know we have our world

0:34:24.760,0:34:25.840
here and this is how we look here and then we have 
our our other world the digital world and how we

0:34:25.840,0:34:35.440
look there and how we perform there and that 
world like this world is very very crowded

0:34:35.440,0:34:41.600
and noisy and everyone's competing for attention 
resources all of that thing in both worlds. Yeah,

0:34:41.600,0:34:46.200
it's loud. Yeah, very much so. It's a jungle out 
there. So cutting through in social media is very

0:34:46.200,0:34:52.640
different to cutting through in the room. Um, 
I could probably podcast this for 10 days. Um,

0:34:53.360,0:34:59.160
but I think authenticity speaks, you know, 
even the people that, you know, these viral um,

0:35:01.720,0:35:06.000
uh, gosh, what's the words I'm looking for? You 
know, stars, I guess you could call it, you know,

0:35:06.000,0:35:11.120
that have like tens, hundreds of thousands of 
followers that so many people hate. The thing is,

0:35:11.120,0:35:15.240
they're authentic. even might not agree with 
them and what they do in their practices,

0:35:15.240,0:35:19.280
but they're authentic and that cuts through 
and that's part of what makes people

0:35:19.840,0:35:24.120
polarizing or interesting or intriguing. 
It's like this person really believes that

0:35:24.120,0:35:28.120
and I really get behind that and the other 
side of it. It's like [snorts] this person

0:35:28.120,0:35:33.920
really believes that and that really jars with me. 
Both of which leave an imprint on you and that's

0:35:33.920,0:35:37.280
your cutthrough piece. Yeah, there's someone 
that springs to mind when you say that is is

0:35:37.280,0:35:42.800
Jake Paul. I don't know if you know him but he's 
yeah he's become become a boxer evolved into a

0:35:42.800,0:35:49.240
boxer. He started in social media quite young him 
and his his bro brother. Uh but they are they so

0:35:50.560,0:35:55.640
outlandish and so out there and so just 
how I I wouldn't personally behave that

0:35:55.640,0:36:00.800
it's quite interesting watching but how 
can you possibly speak like this like it's

0:36:00.800,0:36:05.520
so not like you don't do that that whole fight 
with Mike Tyson that was Jake Paul wasn't it

0:36:06.200,0:36:10.200
that's a controversial one but yeah yeah that's 
another podcast that's another [laughter] podcast

0:36:10.200,0:36:14.600
that's another podcast he got really really 
upset with Pierce Morgan about something but yeah

0:36:15.520,0:36:20.000
yeah he's um he's a big character So, it's 
interesting because because he's different and um

0:36:21.200,0:36:27.840
but yes, that's it's not necessarily good 
PR for some of these guys um and girls.

0:36:27.840,0:36:33.720
Isn't there a phrase that all PR is good PR? 
I'm not sure I agree with that, but yeah. Yeah.

0:36:34.600,0:36:41.880
Okay. So, what is your most effective 
cognitive behavioral therapy reframe for fear?

0:36:41.880,0:36:48.560
Well, that's a good question. I think if we're 
talking about getting out of an initial freeze,

0:36:49.240,0:36:55.480
um there's a tactic that comes from the world 
of CBT called deferring. So let's say you are

0:36:55.480,0:37:02.560
two days before a speaking gig and you're kind of 
entering into that cycle of negativity, you know,

0:37:02.560,0:37:06.400
when you got that same worry going round and round 
and round and it feels like the walls are closing

0:37:06.400,0:37:09.720
in. It's going to be terrible. Yeah, it's going 
to be terrible. People aren't going to like me.

0:37:09.720,0:37:13.240
Uh you know, my content's going to be no 
good. I'm going to freeze. whatever it may be,

0:37:13.240,0:37:16.400
they've got a tactic called deferring. So, 
what you do is you get a piece of paper

0:37:16.400,0:37:20.160
and you write down three things. Number one, you 
write down the thing that you're worried about.

0:37:20.800,0:37:27.600
That releases it. Number two, you then write down 
a date and then number three, a time on that date

0:37:27.600,0:37:32.000
that you're going to give yourself 
permission to come back and worry about it.

0:37:32.800,0:37:37.280
So, I might say, "Oh, I'm really worried about 
this podcast. How's it going to go?" D, you know,

0:37:37.280,0:37:41.840
and this is starting to keep me up. So, then 
I just express my worry. really get clear what

0:37:41.840,0:37:45.800
am I scared of? What should I do? And really 
just express it. So semanticize it essentially

0:37:46.400,0:37:49.520
and then say, well, I'm gonna give myself 
permission to come back on Saturday at

0:37:49.520,0:37:56.120
7 o'clock and worry about it. You're scared 
of Alexandra cuz she Yeah. But the process of

0:37:56.120,0:38:00.840
writing it down releases it and then the process 
of putting a time and a date in the future

0:38:02.480,0:38:06.240
combats that part of your brain that says, 
"Well, I want to give it a bit of an air time."

0:38:06.240,0:38:10.680
So, you're saying you're not saying no. You're 
just saying not now. And then check in at Saturday

0:38:10.680,0:38:15.480
at 7:00 and you're going to go, "What was I 
worried about?" I like it. It passes. There's

0:38:15.480,0:38:20.680
no I like it. I like writing it down and sort 
of controlling it. Yeah. It's like a little

0:38:22.080,0:38:27.560
wild animal or something. [laughter] I 
don't know. A puppy that needs training

0:38:27.560,0:38:32.320
or something like that. Training. That's it. 
Sit. Learn to sit. Treat. Yeah. Okay. So,

0:38:32.320,0:38:38.720
we've spoken about brain freeze. So when it comes 
to some of the people that you've trained and you

0:38:38.720,0:38:43.600
must have worked with lots of different people 
and you have done World Health Organization and

0:38:43.600,0:38:51.560
executives and the the full shebam. What 
makes a really good speaker? Someone who

0:38:55.680,0:39:00.320
speaks in congruence with their 
intentions and is very at ease with that.

0:39:01.320,0:39:03.760
Okay. And what I mean by that is someone who

0:39:05.520,0:39:17.360
is very able to really align their words with 
what they truly believe. Okay. You mean internally

0:39:17.360,0:39:21.840
almost like aligning their words with their 
so they have to is it believing what they say

0:39:22.720,0:39:28.240
themselves deep inside so getting that part 
right or or is it anything external as well?

0:39:29.080,0:39:34.760
So I think once you if you can once you're 
really clear on what it is you want to say

0:39:35.360,0:39:41.520
and how you want to say it then the external part 
will almost naturally come online in that same way

0:39:41.520,0:39:45.160
that I was saying earlier when we're in a space 
where we feel ridiculously comfortable around

0:39:45.160,0:39:51.720
people and we are just expressing our whole body 
is online you know every person listening to this

0:39:51.720,0:39:57.080
podcast will have certain times in their life and 
areas where people just shut up and listen to them

0:39:57.760,0:40:00.880
or they've made them cry or they've made 
them laugh or they've done all these things

0:40:00.880,0:40:06.920
that we say we want to do as speakers. And it's 
exactly the same when working with with an exec

0:40:06.920,0:40:10.000
or like a director or whatever it is. 
It's like right, okay, how do we kind of

0:40:11.440,0:40:15.560
move away from this idea of trying to put 
on someone else's outfit of what you think

0:40:15.560,0:40:22.440
a speaker should be and just unlock that real 
natural kind of open dialogue. And yes, you might

0:40:22.440,0:40:26.840
need to wrap some structure around it in order to 
kind of formalize it, but that for me that's the

0:40:26.840,0:40:33.000
best speakers, the ones where you just they are 
completely themselves um saying it like it is um

0:40:33.600,0:40:41.920
within the boundaries of whatever the engagement 
is. Interesting. Interesting. So, we did speak a

0:40:41.920,0:40:48.480
bit about this um with the PowerPoint slides and 
things, but what advice do you have for people

0:40:48.480,0:40:53.880
that are that have to present a lot of data? And 
I have this as well with with my teams because we

0:40:53.880,0:40:59.560
have to present some serious statistics and go 
into very granular level of digital marketing

0:40:59.560,0:41:03.960
and exactly how that breaks down and what CTR you 
going to have where and there's tables and there's

0:41:03.960,0:41:12.000
statistics and it can get really heavy. Yeah. 
And it's also quite complicated. So what advice

0:41:12.000,0:41:17.680
do you have for those kind of difficult data 
heavy presentations? It's a great question

0:41:17.680,0:41:22.880
because I do loads of work with tech teams partly 
driven from my background being in that space.

0:41:22.880,0:41:28.800
Um, and I'll draw from I guess like a case study. 
So I work with one big organization that kind of

0:41:28.800,0:41:33.320
head up their process automation industry if you 
like and they do lots of events and they have

0:41:33.320,0:41:38.360
loads of techies on stage all the time having to 
present different models and stuff. Yep. And one

0:41:38.360,0:41:45.040
of the biggest things I can say is right how can 
you use metaphors okay to bring stuff to lives.

0:41:45.040,0:41:50.360
So, for example, a presentation might be talking 
about the fact that we've got six different data

0:41:50.360,0:41:55.560
sets that have to come together and be, you know, 
refactored and they've got version control and

0:41:55.560,0:41:58.360
then how do we release this and there's all that 
kind of stuff. It's like you're going to lose your

0:41:58.360,0:42:02.840
audience unless you've got like a room full of 
really geeky techies. You're going to lose them.

0:42:03.520,0:42:08.160
So, I would say, okay, what metaphor could 
you use? For example, you might say, "Okay,

0:42:08.160,0:42:11.520
imagine a town and on the outskirts 
of this town, we've got six farms

0:42:12.440,0:42:17.800
and one farm is cultivating apples, the next 
pears, uh the next strawberries, whatever it

0:42:17.800,0:42:22.480
may be. We need to get all these different fruits 
to the market by a certain period of time. We've

0:42:22.480,0:42:28.040
only got four roads. Here's so how do you build 
out metaphors that bring things to life through

0:42:28.040,0:42:34.360
lenses that people understand in daily life, which 
is what they see, what they hear, what they eat,

0:42:34.360,0:42:38.560
um what they smell. these kind of concepts, how 
can you use that to paint a picture? Does that

0:42:38.560,0:42:45.280
make sense? Yeah, you can. Yeah. So, they can 
illustrate to make it a bit more exciting. They

0:42:45.280,0:42:51.680
can break up that that data to Yeah. You can do it 
visually or or through language. You know, I often

0:42:51.680,0:42:56.800
say use this as a hook. It's like, okay, I want 
you to imagine that we're in this particular world

0:42:56.800,0:43:02.040
and this data is this. Um Yeah. And then build 
those pictures that help people connect to it.

0:43:03.200,0:43:10.400
I like that. Yeah. And what about [snorts] well 
the difficulty as well is is acronyms and and

0:43:11.400,0:43:15.360
I suppose some of the some of these guys they come 
from very very very technical backgrounds whether

0:43:15.360,0:43:23.160
it's economics or whatever programming and they 
they in their worlds so how can they remember to

0:43:24.000,0:43:31.240
get out of it and sort of explain concepts what 
how do they go about it and what's the balance

0:43:31.240,0:43:42.800
yeah so so as a rule of um particularly with let's 
say process or data heavy presentations where

0:43:42.800,0:43:46.800
often there'll be a temptation to so the rule of 
thumb comes after the risk. So the risk is that

0:43:46.800,0:43:50.200
what you'll see is that there's loads of content 
on the slides and they want to just talk about

0:43:50.200,0:43:55.760
loads of technical stuff. Yeah. So the first thing 
is like do you really need all that on there?

0:43:55.760,0:43:59.760
The second thing is like really signpost every 
slide before you go into the detail and that is

0:43:59.760,0:44:04.360
like what are we seeing and why is it important? 
So right now what you're seeing is a summary of

0:44:04.360,0:44:10.680
this which is this. Then you can come into the 
detail. Next slide. What you're seeing is this.

0:44:10.680,0:44:15.760
This is why it's important. Now I'll describe the 
detail. So that continual kind of bringing people

0:44:15.760,0:44:21.040
up to the big picture so they know what they're 
seeing rather than just getting lost in it and

0:44:21.040,0:44:25.520
starting to That is such a good tip. That's 
so valid because a lot of these guys, they're

0:44:25.520,0:44:29.640
brilliant because they are at the granular level 
and they dive straight in. and they're thinking

0:44:29.640,0:44:34.560
that everyone's on board and they write they 
really are explaining exactly what they know they

0:44:34.560,0:44:40.680
need to explain but they've just gone right in 
and people go whoa right sorry what is that where

0:44:41.400,0:44:46.720
even though they they mean they're well-meaning 
and they are correct it's just yeah you're saying

0:44:46.720,0:44:53.640
come headline sweep in yeah so what are we seeing 
why is it important for every slide if it's busy

0:44:54.280,0:44:59.360
there's another concept I have called diving 
for the pole which is the idea of You know, your

0:44:59.360,0:45:05.000
audience should always know where they are in the 
presentation, not just in your content. And it's

0:45:05.000,0:45:09.320
if you've got a risky techy things like at the 
get-go, you should say, "Right, this is what we're

0:45:09.320,0:45:13.000
going to cover." Imagine like a boat going out to 
sea. It's like, "Right, we're going from point A

0:45:13.000,0:45:17.960
to point B. Okay, audience needs to know where 
point B is at the beginning. Call it out today.

0:45:17.960,0:45:22.280
We're going to go all the way through this journey 
and I'm going to take you there." Then, as you get

0:45:22.280,0:45:26.360
into your content, this is like the boat going on 
its journey. It's going to stop off somewhere, and

0:45:26.360,0:45:30.400
you're going to dive down and find a pearl. Okay, 
but before you go looking for the next pearl,

0:45:30.400,0:45:34.760
you got to come back up and say, "Okay, we've 
done one. This is still where we're going." Okay,

0:45:34.760,0:45:40.240
so we're at stage two of four, three of four. And 
I see often a lot of my clients in the tech space

0:45:40.240,0:45:45.200
do this where they'll almost use like the kind of 
like game progress indicators as a good metaphor

0:45:45.200,0:45:50.240
to kind of explain this is like, okay, we've got 
30 minutes of getting lost in this world. I want

0:45:50.240,0:45:54.400
to know where I am at 5 minutes. I want to know 
where I am at 10 minutes. And it's almost like,

0:45:54.400,0:45:59.880
here's your indicator showing progress. So, can 
you do that verbally, visually, metaphorically,

0:45:59.880,0:46:02.760
whatever? It's like it's like going out for 
dinner with someone and then you got [laughter]

0:46:03.640,0:46:08.880
the first metaphor. I usually talk about meals 
as metaphors for presentations actually. Yeah,

0:46:08.880,0:46:12.320
cuz you know where you are in the process. 
You know, your starter, your mains, you got

0:46:12.320,0:46:16.400
your dessert, you know, you got all this. Yeah, 
definitely. I usually say there's either fast

0:46:16.400,0:46:20.960
food or there's a Michelin grade experience. Which 
are you going to serve up? And the fast food it's

0:46:20.960,0:46:24.080
like, okay, it's all coming out like this. There's 
no structure. It's a bit like that kebab. It feels

0:46:24.080,0:46:28.840
overwhelming. I don't know if it's good for me. 
Yeah. And then there's here's the first course.

0:46:29.480,0:46:34.480
How's the first course? Take it away. Here's 
the second course. How's the second course? Oh,

0:46:34.480,0:46:39.360
yes. We want the Michelin star experience. We 
want the fantastic service. Yeah. That's it.

0:46:39.360,0:46:46.080
Oh, care. Love. Yes. Yes. So, that that 
that that's a helpful very helpful tip.

0:46:46.920,0:46:51.680
Okay. [clears throat] With 24 hours to prepare. 
Yeah. They said you're doing this tomorrow.

0:46:52.480,0:46:57.360
What do you do? or just less than what do you 
do? What's what's the most important thing?

0:46:57.360,0:47:01.840
Uh don't write a script because you're just going 
to get into thinking mode for absolutely ages. Get

0:47:01.840,0:47:08.160
a series of index cards in front of you. Uh work 
out uh by brainstorming on each card very quickly,

0:47:08.160,0:47:12.640
one topic per card, what might go into this 
presentation. Within 3 minutes, you're going

0:47:12.640,0:47:17.120
to have the outline of a presentation in front of 
you. And then pick those cards up and sematicize

0:47:17.120,0:47:21.320
rehearse from those cards to start exploring 
the content. Do you rehearse to the mirror?

0:47:21.960,0:47:27.320
Uh, oh, it's a good question. I generally say no, 
no to the idea of rehearsing in front of a camera

0:47:27.320,0:47:31.800
in a mirror because negativity bias creeps in. 
We see ourselves in a more negative light than

0:47:31.800,0:47:36.240
other people do. Therefore, when we start looking 
at ourselves, particularly if we're vulnerable or

0:47:36.240,0:47:41.560
anxious, we see our problems rather than our 
strengths. Do you know what? I really dislike

0:47:41.560,0:47:48.960
seeing myself on podcasts and TV. I It's strange, 
isn't it? It's [laughter] range when I see myself.

0:47:48.960,0:47:56.080
I'm like, you do. That is so bad. The other day I 
did a podcast with um Andrew Jenkins from Traitors

0:47:56.080,0:48:03.040
and I had to do a a remote one and I [laughter] 
and I washed my hair and it was quite nice when

0:48:03.040,0:48:08.040
I left the house, you know. It was quite like 
cuz I just freshly I did a really really quick

0:48:08.040,0:48:15.160
blow dry here, but then I got into the Zoom thing. 
I did the the the s the remote session squadcast

0:48:15.160,0:48:21.720
and then I watched it back because I had to and 
I was like, "Oh no. Oh, no. This is how I've come

0:48:21.720,0:48:30.400
across. This is my hair. This is everything. But 
you got to let it go. Yeah. Because perfection is

0:48:30.400,0:48:37.120
good, but if it's you can't always be completely 
perfect all the time, right? Yeah. And it's like

0:48:37.120,0:48:44.760
just let me I've had a bad headache, so deal with 
it. [laughter] Yeah. you know, and that's where

0:48:47.120,0:48:52.160
I say like script mentality creeps in, 
right? And I often use the metaphor of

0:48:52.160,0:48:56.080
a game of football when it comes to preparing 
your presentation. It's like there's nothing

0:48:56.080,0:49:01.960
in the rules of football that says in order for a 
goal to be awarded has to be a striker who hits it

0:49:01.960,0:49:06.280
and it then has to be hit in at an angle 
and it has to go through the goalie's legs

0:49:06.280,0:49:10.560
and it has to go in the top leftand corner of 
the otherwise no goals awarded. Yeah. But if

0:49:10.560,0:49:15.960
you tie yourself down to a script unnecessarily, 
you've only got one way of scoring that goal,

0:49:16.880,0:49:20.800
but actually there's all these other players 
available within you, within the room.

0:49:20.800,0:49:26.680
And if you can naturalize and step back and 
improvise a little, you suddenly have 150 ways

0:49:26.680,0:49:33.520
of scoring that goal. Um, we don't want perfect. 
We want natural. We want good. We want in the

0:49:33.520,0:49:39.200
moment. We want inspirational. We want authentic. 
Um, scripted doesn't tend to lead itself to that.

0:49:40.480,0:49:47.640
Yeah. And also once that happens quite a lot, 
you just you accept you accept that you know

0:49:48.440,0:49:54.520
this is this is who you are. This is how you 
present. This is um we all have good hair days and

0:49:54.520,0:49:59.000
we all have bad hair days. Yeah. We're all human 
as well. That is it. People aren't looking at us

0:49:59.000,0:50:05.040
judging our hair and No, but we judge ourselves, 
you know. We we do. We do. Whether you know we

0:50:05.040,0:50:11.960
all do. Yeah, we do. That's negativity bias. It's 
just the way we we are. Okay. So, we've covered

0:50:11.960,0:50:19.160
no notes, we want to have these little cards. 
Um, now that we've touched on on hair, where

0:50:19.160,0:50:25.800
does real confidence come from? Where does real 
confidence come come from? It's a great question.

0:50:31.760,0:50:38.240
Real confidence comes from being comfortable 
saying what you really want to say.

0:50:41.760,0:50:43.000
And if you look at

0:50:46.720,0:50:53.080
where people whether on stage or otherwise really 
lacking confidence very often it's because they're

0:50:53.080,0:50:59.000
out of what you'd call congruence which is where 
your actions are aligned with your intentions.

0:50:59.920,0:51:03.800
Once these become so I I really want 
to be this way but I can't be this way.

0:51:03.800,0:51:06.760
I want to say this thing to this person 
but something just stops me from doing

0:51:06.760,0:51:10.400
it. That's like being out of congruence. 
And in congruence is when that's aligned.

0:51:11.080,0:51:16.960
And when that's aligned, then you have a 
real natural confidence. Wow. It's like

0:51:17.960,0:51:23.200
it seems to be like you're saying, it comes with 
freedom. Yeah. I think there's a lot of freedom

0:51:23.200,0:51:27.800
in Yeah. If we imagine that Yeah, definitely. I 
love that way of putting it. Really like that. The

0:51:29.080,0:51:33.840
being out of congruence, if you take the opposite 
of freedom is without getting too meta, it's like

0:51:33.840,0:51:37.520
it's almost like there's these restrictions that 
are on you that are stopping you from saying

0:51:37.520,0:51:43.840
something. Maybe it's a fear of how you'll 
be seen or a fear of conflict um or a fear

0:51:43.840,0:51:47.880
of judgment or whatever it may be that then holds 
you back from saying what you really want to say

0:51:48.600,0:51:52.400
and you're restricted. Yeah. These days 
people are very scared online of cancellation,

0:51:52.400,0:51:59.440
fear of cancellation as well. Yeah, absolutely. 
Yeah, we're very much so repercussions. Yes.

0:52:01.160,0:52:07.840
Okay, so companies, we'll just dive into 
this one. Yeah, go for it. [snorts] Let's

0:52:07.840,0:52:14.600
say there's no budget for any big changes, but 
you want to make your meetings better. Uh I had

0:52:14.600,0:52:19.560
a client saying to me the other day, "We don't 
want meetings. We just want to get work done. We

0:52:19.560,0:52:24.440
want fewer meetings." You know, we don't we don't 
like that. And there is in the corporate world,

0:52:24.440,0:52:30.480
there's a lot of meetings and they happen a lot. 
Um some companies who have budgets have something

0:52:30.480,0:52:38.000
called quality control, ISO. Yeah. Yeah. ISO. And 
um Yeah. and then they will limit the amount of

0:52:38.000,0:52:41.840
meetings or there'll be great you know purposes 
and procedures to as to when the meeting happens

0:52:41.840,0:52:46.320
what the outcomes are it's very sort of it's very 
very process driven but for companies that can't

0:52:46.320,0:52:53.080
afford that what's the what's the correct process 
to make it very you know a good meeting culture

0:52:53.080,0:52:57.880
yeah there's a few things so I do a lot of 
work in this space um so one big bold rule

0:52:57.880,0:53:04.600
is don't send don't send empty meeting invites 
and reject any empty meeting invites that you get

0:53:05.640,0:53:11.200
so if If we're working together, uh I should never 
send you and a group of people a meeting invite

0:53:11.200,0:53:16.800
that has no information on how you're contributing 
or why you're there. So, for example, check-in

0:53:17.440,0:53:22.280
project catchup, you know, the amount of people I 
speak to, countless. They're like, I don't really

0:53:22.280,0:53:25.480
know what this meeting is about, but I've been 
invited. I just know it's about this project.

0:53:26.280,0:53:30.720
So, I say, right, you all have permission now. 
No one can send those types of invites. And if

0:53:30.720,0:53:35.000
you receive one, you're allowed to reject it 
until someone tells you how you are expected

0:53:35.000,0:53:39.680
to contribute in that meeting. And it's amazing 
how quickly just that little bit of thought,

0:53:39.680,0:53:44.800
half the people aren't needed in that 
meeting. So that's number one. Number two

0:53:44.800,0:53:50.040
is right at the beginning of every single meeting, 
and this should take no more than two minutes max,

0:53:50.040,0:53:55.040
whoever's running it is say, "Okay, just before we 
start, I just want to check in with everyone here.

0:53:55.040,0:53:59.080
Where do you want to get to by the time we're 
done in this half hour?" and let everybody kind

0:53:59.080,0:54:03.680
of put their signpost in and immediately there's 
going to be some stuff that you don't know there

0:54:03.680,0:54:07.040
and there's going to be some stuff that you can 
qualify and you may also quickly be able to say

0:54:07.040,0:54:12.040
okay we're covering that separately you can head 
out so there's two things I would say can probably

0:54:12.720,0:54:18.520
make a big change in the preparation and in 
the meeting house yeah the worst meeting I've

0:54:18.520,0:54:22.760
ever attended actually and I'm not going to 
say the name of the client was um [laughter]

0:54:24.360,0:54:33.400
uh was in Warso in a skyscraper Okay. 
And um yeah, I I walked in there.

0:54:34.720,0:54:40.800
I was had quite a junior role at the 
time and um yeah, there was a lot of

0:54:40.800,0:54:49.840
feisty energy in the room and the two senior 
team members started to lock horns and argue

0:54:50.440,0:54:57.840
and we were just expected to sit there and listen 
to this argument and it just got M you know it

0:54:57.840,0:55:01.240
started to escape. They were getting really angry 
with each other and then they started to swear

0:55:01.960,0:55:07.640
and at that point I just got up and I said thank 
you but this is not for me and I was junior. I

0:55:07.640,0:55:13.840
was only a junior and I was like oh no I am so 
fired. I am literally fire. I wasn't thankfully

0:55:14.440,0:55:20.320
but I did think at that point I I cannot I don't 
have the time to sit in this meeting like I'm not

0:55:20.320,0:55:26.520
like this is so bad. It's giving me anxiety 
and yeah I exited the room. Yeah. Yeah. It's

0:55:26.520,0:55:30.880
horrible. I've been in a similar situation. 
I remember working with an organization and

0:55:31.480,0:55:35.600
this was this was online rather than in the room. 
Almost exactly the same thing happened. you know,

0:55:36.280,0:55:38.440
one of the directors and one 
of the staff members just

0:55:39.080,0:55:46.280
it just opened up into this oh no really 
toxic conversation and you know I remember

0:55:47.720,0:55:52.160
you know it concluded and and we left 
and I remember no I have to name this

0:55:53.040,0:55:57.520
you know and I had a conversation if I just say 
you know I don't agree with how that went no

0:55:57.520,0:56:04.600
you know this I need to give you this feedback um 
you know this went outside outside the boundaries

0:56:04.600,0:56:10.640
of both professional and personal for these 
people. Um God and that shouldn't be on display.

0:56:10.640,0:56:18.480
No. Do you remember there was one about the parish 
council that went viral? The online um [laughter]

0:56:18.480,0:56:23.640
laugh but I shouldn't. Yeah. The parish counselors 
basically started to argue and the chairperson

0:56:23.640,0:56:28.760
and someone got kicked out and it was it went 
viral. It was it was when we all jumped on Zoom

0:56:28.760,0:56:32.760
during COVID, wasn't it? These videos were ever 
there, weren't they? Yes. Gosh. I think a lady

0:56:32.760,0:56:36.960
called Jackie was was [laughter] That was it. Yes. 
Sorry, you've just taken me back the first time. I

0:56:36.960,0:56:40.160
shouldn't laugh cuz it's quite sad. I know. Why 
are we laughing? Real shame for [laughter] this.

0:56:40.160,0:56:45.960
It was hilarious. Let's Let's just It was [snorts] 
disturbing and hilarious at the same time. And I

0:56:45.960,0:56:50.560
say that because I actually was on the parish 
council um for some time and we used to have

0:56:50.560,0:56:55.920
those meetings and sometimes they would get 
heated um we would Yeah. But not like this.

0:56:55.920,0:57:02.160
This was an exceptional situation. And what's 
interesting there is I would say in that situation

0:57:02.160,0:57:07.840
plus the meeting situation that you talked about 
plus the one that I talked about there is what has

0:57:07.840,0:57:17.000
slipped out there is their coping mechanisms 
for conflict or let's talk about this which

0:57:17.000,0:57:22.040
which was my next question. Okay, great. Very well 
leading and great. Right. So what what are those

0:57:22.040,0:57:26.960
coping mechanisms? You feel yourself getting 
really annoyed. Yeah. So if we come back to um

0:57:26.960,0:57:30.320
you know we were talking about the amydala, 
right? That part of our brain that controls

0:57:30.320,0:57:36.040
our nervous system and tries to protect us and 
you've got fight and you've got flight which is

0:57:36.040,0:57:40.800
gone. Yeah. Because they could be shouting at you 
or or you could be getting annoy whatever it might

0:57:40.800,0:57:44.600
be. That's it. So they're feeling threatened 
in that in that moment for whatever reason.

0:57:44.600,0:57:48.880
Okay. You know, and some people it's like, 
right, I'm going to fight. And others it's like

0:57:50.960,0:57:52.680
I'm just going to freeze or I'm going to hide.

0:57:53.200,0:58:00.320
Yeah. And this is kind of what we're seeing come 
out here and it's like the unhelpful versions of

0:58:01.720,0:58:06.200
Have you heard of the pack model? No. Okay. So, 
it comes from transactional analysis which is like

0:58:06.200,0:58:11.160
a communication theory used in psychology a lot. 
And it says that as we go through life, we operate

0:58:11.160,0:58:17.720
from one of three places all the time. So you've 
got the parent um you've got the adult and you've

0:58:17.720,0:58:23.560
got the child. So in the parent this can show 
up as like being really critical. Okay. Or being

0:58:23.560,0:58:28.600
really nurturing and kind of molly coddling. And 
then as the child this can be being like really

0:58:28.600,0:58:34.600
compliant people pleasers anybody um or being 
really rebellious. Okay. But then in the middle

0:58:35.480,0:58:41.240
you've got the adult and this is kind of impartial 
grounded able to look behind the behaviors.

0:58:41.800,0:58:47.280
um when the heat is on we tend to go up 
into parent or down into child unhelpfully

0:58:47.960,0:58:52.000
okay and it comes out. So if we 
look at these three situations,

0:58:52.000,0:58:58.840
we can see that coming and what's really curious 
is we adopt these archetypes around other people

0:58:59.880,0:59:04.080
all the time. And then the more that gets 
reinforced. I see this in the workplace when I do

0:59:04.720,0:59:09.080
um like conflict work in the workplace to 
help people better navigate stuff like that is

0:59:09.080,0:59:13.000
we look at this model and they're like, "Oh my 
gosh, my boss like they're always the parent,

0:59:13.000,0:59:16.600
but then I always act like the child." And 
it just reinforces it. It's like, okay,

0:59:16.600,0:59:22.080
well, what would happen if you came in here and 
used neutral language and made clear requests

0:59:22.080,0:59:24.880
and it breaks that model? Then 
this person comes in here as well.

0:59:25.560,0:59:29.360
Oh my gosh, it's fascinating. It's absolutely and 
you people will look at this model and they go,

0:59:30.200,0:59:34.800
I wish I knew this at home for my marriage, you 
know? It's like we all have these models cuz

0:59:35.320,0:59:41.040
we take on our, you know, just taking this to 
marriage for a very brief second, you It's like

0:59:41.040,0:59:46.080
when we enter into a partnership with someone, 
you know, they become our primary caregiver.

0:59:46.960,0:59:51.840
And that's why this model is so true. It's so 
true. It's so true. The thing is though that when

0:59:51.840,0:59:57.040
we have a conflict, a marriage conflict, whatever, 
at home with the kids, whatever it might be,

0:59:57.040,1:00:01.600
you're at home, you're in the privacy of your own 
home. Yeah. And you know, you can kind of have

1:00:01.600,1:00:06.760
that conversation. But this is a public space. 
Yeah. Doesn't matter that it's Zoom. It went

1:00:06.760,1:00:10.760
everywhere. these meetings everyone's talking I'm 
I'm talking about something that happened in Warso

1:00:10.760,1:00:17.800
many many many years ago in a skyscraper it you 
know it's difficult to control yourself to be

1:00:17.800,1:00:22.960
adult yes so what are you doing in that 
moment there's some something's gone off

1:00:23.720,1:00:33.440
grenade situation what do you do pause so 
when we go through this training the big

1:00:33.440,1:00:38.840
takeaway from all the theories and everything 
that we do is the license to be able to pause

1:00:39.680,1:00:46.360
and that pause usually comes after getting into 
the habit of noticing usually two things. Okay,

1:00:46.360,1:00:53.080
so number one, what's my nervous system telling 
me? And if my nervous system is heightened,

1:00:53.960,1:01:01.680
that's an indicator. Number two, what's the story 
I've got going around my head? So I might be in

1:01:01.680,1:01:05.520
this conflict situation. It's like, right, my 
nervous system is moving into fight. And the

1:01:05.520,1:01:10.520
story that's rattling around my head is like, I've 
got to win this. They've got it wrong. If you got

1:01:10.520,1:01:14.080
something like that going on, it's like [laughter] 
at that point, it's like, do you know what?

1:01:14.720,1:01:20.760
I really want to discuss this, but I can feel 
like I'm feeling really triggered and my head's

1:01:20.760,1:01:25.800
feeling quite overwhelmed. So, can we just pause 
and let's come back to this a bit more prepared?

1:01:27.440,1:01:31.480
You know, something like that. It's people 
don't believe. I see this all the time in

1:01:31.480,1:01:35.440
training is like they don't believe that they've 
got the ability or the license in the heat of the

1:01:35.440,1:01:39.520
moment to go actually do you know what they have 
the license. They exactly they do but they don't

1:01:39.520,1:01:43.640
believe they do. They feel they have to keep going 
because the nervous system takes over. I must win

1:01:44.200,1:01:50.200
or I'm just going to let's just say to the 
cameras to the people you have license to pause

1:01:50.200,1:01:56.320
at any point you feel overwhelmed. regulate your 
nervous system and then you'll be better able

1:01:56.320,1:02:02.000
to engage with that and the other person will as 
well. And I'll add to this and you have the right

1:02:02.000,1:02:07.360
to leave a meeting if people are kicking off in 
the way they're kicking off and a situation. You

1:02:07.360,1:02:15.440
don't have to stay in the toxins of that moment. 
You can leave. Definitely. Yeah. Because you're

1:02:15.440,1:02:19.600
right. People don't feel like they're allowed to. 
And it's not jail. You're not trapped here. No.

1:02:19.600,1:02:25.360
This is where we get Yeah. We get caught up in all 
these perceptions of hierarchy and power that we

1:02:25.360,1:02:31.720
feel trapped but actually take that agency. Yeah. 
Love that. Yeah. Yeah. Love it. Love it. Love it

1:02:31.720,1:02:39.680
too. Okay. Your six-point program in 60 seconds. 
What pillar do most people skip? Let's go.

1:02:41.520,1:02:46.840
What pillar do people most people skip in your in 
my sixpoint speaker program? Well, let's do the

1:02:46.840,1:02:52.880
six. Let's let's redo the whole question. Let's 
just do your sixpoint yeah program in 60 seconds.

1:02:52.880,1:02:58.600
What is it? So the sixpoint speaker program is a 
program I've designed over 10 years showing my age

1:02:58.600,1:03:04.200
now that works on two levers. Confidence in your 
own voice and competence to express it. Okay. The

1:03:04.200,1:03:09.840
six pillars. How to prepare and how to rehearse. 
How to take control of your habits and processes.

1:03:10.400,1:03:14.640
How to master storytelling and connect 
with your unique view on content.

1:03:14.640,1:03:19.520
How to express your body language and tone of 
voice. how to manage your nervous system and

1:03:19.520,1:03:25.160
your anxieties and how to include continuous 
improvement, self-reflection and integration.

1:03:26.000,1:03:29.000
And how do you remember all of that? [laughter] 
How do I remember it? I've been coaching you

1:03:29.000,1:03:34.680
for 10 years. I was like that is I was hearing 
it's all sematic side. So like the way I work

1:03:34.680,1:03:39.120
with most people remembers it. Yeah. Yeah. It's 
over six weeks, one session a week and then they

1:03:39.120,1:03:44.640
integrate. Yeah. It's really comprehensive. It's 
good stuff and I would definitely recommend anyone

1:03:44.640,1:03:46.480
listening that would like to be a better 
communicator to go for it because it's it's

1:03:46.480,1:03:55.680
valuable to invest in yourself. Yeah. 
Okay. So, you blend business coaching

1:03:55.680,1:04:03.600
with mindfulness, improvisation and counseling. 
So, give us an example drill that will just take

1:04:03.600,1:04:07.840
take us through something. So, uh there's a 
methodology I have called the potter's wheel

1:04:08.440,1:04:14.000
which is about smaticizing content. What I will 
do, so rehearsing, what I'll do is I'll integrate

1:04:14.000,1:04:22.200
that with uh a content piece of who you are, what 
you do, and why you're good at it. Uh and I will

1:04:22.200,1:04:28.400
have someone rehearse this over and over. And what 
this does is number one, uh it installs the tool,

1:04:28.400,1:04:32.400
the potter's wheel, which is around the kind 
of rehearsal process that I train people on.

1:04:33.000,1:04:39.520
Number two, it helps them connect with who they 
are and why they're good at something. Okay,

1:04:39.520,1:04:44.400
which you'd be surprised the amount of people, 
particularly those who are leaders as well. It's

1:04:44.400,1:04:50.160
not just that anxious people really struggle with 
owning their power. It's this well I think I'm

1:04:50.160,1:04:55.520
good at it because of this and other bits like no 
own it you know. So we work through the barriers.

1:04:55.520,1:04:59.880
So that's kind of the psychology counseling piece 
there. And then that then opens up well I really

1:04:59.880,1:05:04.200
don't feel like I'm good at this or they're going 
to think this about me. It's like no step into the

1:05:04.200,1:05:10.160
power. Um, and then number three, there's the 
performance piece. Okay, so that probably is a

1:05:10.760,1:05:14.840
good example of how that brings the three 
together. I would say the content brings up

1:05:14.840,1:05:19.760
and opens up different things whilst you're 
also embodying it and shaping your voice.

1:05:19.760,1:05:26.680
The question of hi, yes, so what do you do is what 
do I do? Yeah. is one where you'll have that in

1:05:26.680,1:05:32.120
just everyday life with people, the hairdresser, 
whatever, walking down the road, shopping center,

1:05:32.120,1:05:39.120
school runs, normal everyday situations, and also 
in in networking, high pressure. And although we

1:05:39.120,1:05:45.080
have it so much, we've not, many of us, most of 
us haven't really practiced it and we don't know

1:05:45.080,1:05:50.120
what to say and get uncomfortable, don't we? 
Especially in a networking hall situation. Okay,

1:05:50.120,1:05:58.280
so what what do you do? It's like oh well I uh and 
the nerves start to uh yeah you feel yeah and you

1:06:00.160,1:06:04.880
so metaphor that just comes to my mind is like you 
know we talk about networking okay here you know

1:06:04.880,1:06:09.760
which most people the goal of networking in some 
shape or form is to build relationships or or lead

1:06:09.760,1:06:13.640
to growth of a business I'm actually talking 
about everything not just networking but like

1:06:13.640,1:06:18.440
when you're asked what do you do like yes you're 
probably under more pressure networking but

1:06:18.440,1:06:24.040
in general I would say to make it applicable to 
everyone watching. Yeah. Because we all get asked

1:06:24.040,1:06:30.560
what we do. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Practice it on your 
own and notice where your resistance comes up.

1:06:31.600,1:06:36.840
So if you say here I this is who I am. This is 
what I do. Notice if your resistance comes up

1:06:36.840,1:06:41.560
in uh what you say. Oh, I'm I'm a traininee 
hairdresser. No, you're a hairdresser.

1:06:42.600,1:06:47.960
You do some or are you So are you discounting 
who you do with some of the language that you

1:06:47.960,1:06:52.280
use? Are you including apologies or 
are you making yourself sound small

1:06:52.280,1:06:55.640
rather than just saying this is what I do? 
So that's the first way you can notice any

1:06:55.640,1:06:59.120
resistance words to come. That's good. 
That's good. The second is in your body.

1:06:59.920,1:07:05.400
Okay. So some people, you know, they they will 
they will they will use language that is clear,

1:07:05.400,1:07:09.840
but they'll kind of quieten off towards the 
end of it. Hi, I'm my name's Matt Matson. I'm a

1:07:09.840,1:07:14.720
I'm a public speaking coach. A public speaking 
coach? Yeah. [laughter] You know, so no, my name's

1:07:14.720,1:07:20.200
Matt. Hi. I'm a public speaking coach. been doing 
this for 10 years and I love this work. You know,

1:07:20.200,1:07:24.520
it's like your body will show your resistance 
as well as your words. So, watch out for both.

1:07:25.160,1:07:31.560
And then playfully rehearse and sharpen it until 
it comes together. Yeah. Believe it as well.

1:07:31.560,1:07:36.040
Definitely. I heard [clears throat] something that 
if you don't you don't believe what you're saying

1:07:36.040,1:07:41.120
and you're sort of pulling the wool over your own 
eyes, then it's leaky and people will notice it,

1:07:41.120,1:07:44.960
won't they? It will come out in that little body 
language thing or something. So you can't like

1:07:44.960,1:07:51.600
at least tell people the truth about Yeah. So who 
are you? Unless you're a spy. Unless Yeah. Well,

1:07:51.600,1:07:56.400
master of disguise as they say. [laughter] I 
had one I had one on here the other day. Did you

1:07:56.400,1:08:02.240
really? I bet that was interesting. Oh, it was so 
interesting. It was so interesting. And I bet also

1:08:02.240,1:08:06.880
I hear that they're also really boring like and I 
don't mean as a people, but you often see like the

1:08:06.880,1:08:12.000
job. Oh yeah, the job. Like the work it's not it's 
not James, you know, it's just a blendy any thing.

1:08:12.560,1:08:19.120
But yeah, they they are terrific uh communicators, 
body language readers, psychologists, all rolled

1:08:19.120,1:08:28.560
into one and um fascinating fascinating. You 
should watch it Gavin Stone. Yeah. Spy. Okay. So

1:08:28.560,1:08:37.360
final question and um it's related to how we would 
close a presentation, close a conversation, close

1:08:37.360,1:08:45.600
that big speech on the stage to make it memorable. 
So, so what can you do to to do that? So, your

1:08:45.600,1:08:53.200
closing is the second biggest risk area after 
your opening. Risk the first thing to say. So,

1:08:53.200,1:08:57.320
your first risk area is your opening because it's 
the apex of your nervous system, your content,

1:08:57.320,1:09:05.280
the audience, the technology. Get that mastered. 
What I see over and over again is, okay,

1:09:05.280,1:09:09.920
so we've got the start strong, we get through it, 
and then as we get to the end, we're kind of done.

1:09:11.960,1:09:18.840
Are you finished? Yeah, I'm finished. Finish 
strong. The single cleanest way you can do

1:09:18.840,1:09:24.040
this that anyone can do is always, and 
I'm underlining that, when you're done,

1:09:24.720,1:09:29.840
say thank you because that does two things. 
Number one, of course, expresses gratitude,

1:09:30.440,1:09:37.240
but it also cleanly contracts you out of that 
communication, so there's none of this kind of

1:09:37.240,1:09:41.760
awkward thing. Yeah. Yeah. because everyone does. 
Oh, so does anyone have any questions? And always

1:09:41.760,1:09:48.680
like Yeah. No. And finish strong. Don't go quiet 
at the end. That's your coping mechanism to come

1:09:48.680,1:09:54.080
in. So finish strong. Thank you so much for 
having me. Not thanks for thanks for having me.

1:09:55.320,1:09:59.680
It's like keep it strong. Yeah. And then 
it's the awkward bye-bye on Zoom. Okay.

1:09:59.680,1:10:04.320
All right. Are we done? Okay. And on Zoom. Yeah. 
I always give people permission. I say, "Okay,

1:10:04.320,1:10:08.000
we're going to close this Zoom room after this. 
This is the last thing that I'm going to say now

1:10:08.000,1:10:11.560
so you can all head off. You know, like really 
manage that for people if you're holding space

1:10:11.560,1:10:19.800
for them. So it's not Are we done? We're 
done. Matt/Matthew, you've been terrific.

1:10:19.800,1:10:26.360
Thank you. Thank you so much for coming on to 
Beyond the Boardroom. Thank you. Thank you.